Back to School for Five Kids… Send Help (and Money)

Ah, September is coming. The smell of fresh notebooks, the sound of alarm clocks… and the sight of my bank balance falling faster than my patience at 7:00am.

Buying school uniforms for five children — yes, FIVE, because apparently, I didn’t get the memo about hobbies that don’t involve pregnancy — is a special kind of financial torture. Even my three-year-old, who only attends nursery, requires a full uniform. I thought I’d escaped that bullet. I was wrong.

The Shocking Truth About Uniform Costs

Every year I tell myself, “It’ll be cheaper this time.” And every year my purse laughs in my face.

Let’s start with my high schoolers. They can’t wear supermarket bargains — oh no — they must be dressed in officially sanctioned, eye-wateringly expensive jumpers and sports gear.
Just for the bare minimum kit:

• Jumpers: £24 each
• Ties: £7.50 each
• PE Top: £19.25 each
• PE Bottoms: £25.75 each

Total for one set for each of my eldest two? £153. And that’s before we even talk about shoes, trainers, shirts, trousers, rucksacks, or the emotional support wine I’ll need to cope with the bill.

Primary school uniforms? Much kinder on the bank account. As long as you stick to plain supermarket gear, you’re laughing. Well, not laughing, but maybe softly crying instead.

My Bargain-Hunting Tactics (Because I Refuse to Sell a Kidney)

I’ve developed the stealth skills of a supermarket ninja when it comes to saving money. Some of my top tricks:

1. Discount Cards are Your Best Friend
   Teacher discount, Blue Light card, student discount — if it exists, I’m using it. This year, I bought all the kids’ rucksacks using my Blue Light card. That’s right, the education sector does have perks… if you count 10% off a bag that’ll be wrecked by November.
2. BOGOF on Shoes
   Deichmann’s “buy one, get one half price” deal was my saving grace this year. I kitted out everyone except my toddler with sturdy school shoes at a huge discounts.
3. Plain > Logo
   My daughter lost three school-logo cardigans last year. THREE. At £17 each, that’s basically a luxury holiday in cardigan form. This year, she’s rocking plain supermarket cardigans: £17 for a pack of two. And if she loses one? I won’t need CPR.
4. Supermarket Stock-Up
   Shirts, trousers, PE kit — all from the supermarket. Cheap, cheerful, and easily replaceable when a mystery stain appears that no human science can explain.

The Harsh Reality

I’m all for uniforms creating equality and stopping clothes-based bullying. But when you’re staring at a £76.50 bill for just the basics of one high schooler’s wardrobe, you start to wonder if school uniform suppliers are running an underground diamond-trading ring.

Is there help out there? Not much that I’ve found. Some councils and charities run grants or swap shops, but they’re patchy at best. Meanwhile, I’m too old for a sugar daddy and, let’s face it, too tired for an OnlyFans.