Ah, soft play. The happiest of havens for hyperactive children and the ultimate test of patience for parents, because who needs sanity anyway?!
Here I am, diving headfirst into this chaotic kingdom with two little tornadoes and my bestie’s kid who, by some cosmic twist, I now call my nephew. (All in the name of friendship, right?) My youngest is blissfully at home with Dad thankfully, or else I’d be booking a one-way ticket to “Dear God, help me!” prison, courtesy of his latest stunt: a screaming contest that would make banshees proud. The little tornado is a whirlwind, ripping off stair gates and throwing epic tantrums like he's prepping for the 2024 Parenting Olympics.
As we cruise to the great land of soft play with NSYNC’s Bye Bye Bye blasting like it’s 1999, my backseat bandits are having the time of their lives. Except for my 8-year-old daughter, who’s rolled her eyes so hard they might just get stuck in that position from all the "not cool" I've unleashed on her. Oh, the joys of unrequested parent entertainment!
Upon arrival, it's pandemonium. Entering with a gaggle of kids is like a scene from The Hunger Games: may the odds be ever in your favour! They bolt off, instantaneously transforming into tiny feral creatures until their stomachs remind them that they haven’t eaten since breakfast (which was six hours prior, but who’s counting?).
Before I can even fathom a deep breath, we’re on a mission for food and drink—a quest that would put Indiana Jones to shame. After what feels like forever, I finally manage to get their orders (which is miraculous in itself, considering the constant requests for snacks that rival a famine documentary).
And here’s the thing about soft play, once the food arrives, it’s like herding a pack of wild llamas on caffeine. Seated? Ha! More like a jigsaw puzzle gone wrong with eight people trying to fit into six chairs. I may have strategically swiped two chairs from a nearby table (sorry, random family!). Tears? Check. Squeezing in? Double check!
Food chaos ensues like I've summoned a tornado. There are drinks that need pouring, cutlery making a run for it, and, of course, the inevitable “I don’t like it” explosion from precious little brats who were just starving 10 minutes ago. Look, kiddo, you were practically on the brink of extinction, and now you’re too good for a chicken wrap? I’m not convinced! Eat or starve, darling, your palate can handle the challenge.
With food finally down the hatch, I take a moment to revel in the brief interlude of peace; they’re playing nicely, and the sounds of giggles replace the ear-piercing screams, if only for a fleeting half hour.
But before you can say “sugar rush,” they’re off again, climbing, tumbling, and reinventing the laws of physics as they scale slides at alarming heights—seriously, I think I spotted one of them trying to achieve flight!
And you know what? Despite the chaos and mini meltdowns, as the kids run around like hyperactive pups, I can’t help but smile. Sure, my energy levels are rapidly declining, and my sanity is on life support, but this hilariously chaotic bonding experience is what parenting is all about.
So here’s a toast to all the brave souls who dare venture into the wilderness that is soft play. May your data plans be strong, your snacks plentiful, and your sense of humour intact. Because, in the end, every wild scream, wrestling match, and spontaneous tantrum makes the ride that much wilder and definitely way more memorable.
With battle scars and a well-deserved sugar rush, here’s to surviving soft play!
Cheers,
FiveKidsOneMom - Still Sane (Mostly)





Ah, soft play:
Where softs vanish into the abyss, moms perfect their ninja skills dodging flying balls, and every child turns into a sugar fuelled acrobat. It's the battlefield of parenting- with questionable coffee and the soundtrack of joyful chaos echoing through the day!
Add comment
Comments