The weekly food shop is like a horror movie. You walk in with a list and good intentions, and walk out £120 lighter wondering how a pack of yoghurts and some cereal cost so much. With five kids, the fridge empties quicker than I can fill it, so I’ve had to learn some tricks to keep the shop under control.

If there’s one thing kids are good at, it’s costing money. Every day out, every club, every hobby – it all adds up. And with five kids, I’d need a millionaire’s bank account to keep up with what they think we should be doing. But here’s the truth: kids don’t need fancy days out, they just need fun (and maybe snacks). Here’s how I keep mine busy without breaking the bank.

Let’s be real – it’s not the fun side of parenting, but bills don’t stop coming just because you’re skint. Feeding the kids, clothing them, keeping them warm… it all adds up, and if you’re not careful half your wage disappears before you’ve even had a chance to moan about it.

There comes a point in motherhood when you realise you’re not running a restaurant. I’ve reached that point. In this house, it’s “eat what I make or go pissing hungry.” End of.

Big brands are great. Everyone wants their kids to look their best, but let’s be real: who’s paying £90 for a pair of trainers for a 7-year-old just because they’ve got a UK size 4 foot? Or £150 on a tracksuit that’ll be wrecked in the park within the week? Not me. Not today.